Is Your Neediness Ruining Your Relationships?
By Hedda Muskat
Have you recently started dating someone new and you actually kind of like that person and you think that person likes you, but they are now missing in action? So you call them and they say they were just busy but make plans with you anyway. You take that as a signal that they are into you and now you’re getting more and more into them and you consider that by the third or forth date you’re a couple. Please take note that the minute you cross the lines of just dating to being a couple that is a huge hurdle to make. Are you really sure the other person also feels that way. Many people fall into the trap that just because you see each other more than a few times, you’re suddenly a couple. Unless that distinction is discussed, you are NOT a couple. If you don’t make that clear you will find yourself turning into some clingy insecure person constantly texting and waiting for that person to text you back. You become obsessed, your heart is racing now all the time, you are over analyzing all their social media posts, and you feel incomplete as a human being. I beg you to stop! Here are some tips to get out of that needy clingy trap immediately for your own self-preservation:
- Work on getting your self-esteem and self-worth back by admitting to yourself “this is crazy, I can’t being doing this.”
- Focus on yourself. Make plans on your own without consulting the other person if they are truly not responding to you. That means they are either truly busy or just not that into you. Clingy behavior is not attractive.
- Learn to manage your anxiety. It’s very destructive to put on another person your personal discomfort about their attentiveness. Get into some activity fast to burn off some steam.
- Think about how you would feel if someone was clinging on to you? Annoying. Then don’t be that person either.
- Find your own purpose. Once you do that your life won’t be so dependent on your partners. Volunteer somewhere, take some classes, learn a new skill, learn a new language. Agonizing over another person takes time away from you.
The good news is that you can change this clingy type of behavior now. The power is in your hands. You’ll be happier and you will attract a different kind of element of friends as well.
Hedda Muskat is the author of The Dating Mystique based on her TV writing days at “Love Connection”.